Planning several wedding speeches: running order, timings and avoiding repeated stories

Decide who owns the speeches

Somebody needs to hold the plan. Often it is the couple, but they have a hundred other things to organise, so many hand the job to the best man, the maid of honour or a calm friend. That person agrees the order, keeps an eye on timings, passes the plan to the venue and is the one speakers ask when they are unsure. They do not need to read anyone's speech.

Agree the running order

The traditional order in Ireland and the UK is the father of the bride, the groom, then the best man, and plenty of weddings now add the bride, the maid of honour or another parent. Whatever you choose, think about the shape of the whole: a warm welcome first, the emotional heart in the middle, and a light, short closer before the dancing.

If two speakers might both expect a particular slot, such as last, settle it early and explain why. People mind far less about the order than about finding out late.

Set a timing budget

Start from the total, not from each speech. Many venues like the speeches to stay under about 25 minutes, especially when they fall between courses. Work backwards from there, allowing a minute or so for each introduction and toast.

Give each speaker a target, not just a maximum. "Five minutes" gets you five or six; "no more than ten" gets you ten or twelve.

The brief every speaker needs

Send one message to all the speakers, four to six weeks before the wedding. It should cover:

• The full running order, with each speaker's name and role.
• Each speaker's target length.
• When the speeches happen: before the meal, between courses or after.
• Who introduces each speaker, and who gives which toast.
• Any jobs that belong to one speaker, such as reading messages from absent guests or thanking the venue.
• Topics to avoid, if the couple have any.
• A date to share story headlines, and a date to have the speech finished.

How to avoid repeated stories

The groom's brother and the best man both tell the story about the driving test. The maid of honour and the bride both describe the night the couple met. It happens at a lot of weddings, and it is awkward for the second speaker every time. A few habits prevent most of it.

1. Share headlines, not speeches. Each speaker sends a list of their stories in a few words each: "driving test", "first date at the cinema". Nobody has to show their full speech.
2. Divide the territory. A parent covers childhood, the best man covers the friendship, the couple cover how they met. Overlaps become obvious straight away.
3. Decide who keeps a clash. Usually the speaker with the closer link to the story keeps it, and the other finds another.
4. Check again after the final drafts. Speeches change in the last week, and new stories creep in.
5. On the day, listen. If a speaker before you tells your story anyway, skip it or nod to it: "As Dave mentioned..."

Handovers and introductions

Smooth handovers make several speeches feel like one event rather than a queue. Whoever introduces the speakers should know each name, role and one line about them. Speakers should know who comes before them, so they can be ready with their notes and a glass, and who comes after, in case their toast hands over. If a speaker ends with a toast, the next one should give the room a moment to sit down before starting.

Practical checks with the venue

• Tell the venue or caterer when the speeches will start and roughly how long they will take.
• Ask about a microphone, where it will be, and whether someone will check it is working.
• Make sure glasses are filled before the first speaker stands.
• Give the person introducing the speakers a printed copy of the running order.
• Ask each speaker to bring a printed copy of their speech, and to give a spare to someone else.

When a speaker drops out or runs long

Plans change. A speaker gets cold feet, a relative is added late, or a draft comes in at twice its target. Deal with each one early and plainly.

• If someone drops out, close the gap rather than stretching the other speeches. Check that their toast still has an owner.
• If someone is added, give them a short slot and tell the others, so the total still works.
• If a draft runs long, tell the speaker their target again and offer to help cut it. Most people are relieved to have permission to lose a story.
• If a speaker refuses to cut, put them earlier in the order, where a long speech costs the room less.

On the day: a checklist for whoever owns the speeches

1. Confirm the start time with the venue when you arrive.
2. Check the microphone works, and where each speaker will stand.
3. Give the printed running order to whoever introduces the speakers.
4. Make sure each speaker knows when they are on, and that they have their notes and a glass.
5. Ask the staff to fill glasses before the first speech.
6. Keep an eye on the time, and give the next speaker a nod a minute before their turn.
7. Once the last toast is done, tell the venue, and let everyone enjoy the rest of the night.

Where Toast fits: the Wedding party room

Toast's Wedding party room does most of this for up to six speakers at one wedding. Each speaker joins by invite link and brings a speech they have already written: on Toast, pasted in or uploaded. The organiser sets the running order, and the room shows each speech's estimated time and the total, so you can see at a glance whether you are over budget. You can download the running order as a PDF for whoever is introducing the speakers.

The room also checks whether two speakers are planning to tell the same story. When it finds one, only those two speakers are told, and each sees their own story and the other speaker's name, never the other speech. Nobody can edit another speaker's speech, and others can read yours only if you let them. Each speaker prints their own speech and cue cards.