Order of wedding speeches in Ireland and the UK (and how it's changing)

The traditional order, and what each speaker does

The classic running order grew out of who hosted the wedding. The bride's family traditionally paid for the day, so her father spoke first as the host, and each speech handed over to the next with a toast. That chain of thanks and toasts is why the order has lasted so long: every speaker has a job, and each job sets up the next one.

1. The father of the bride (or whoever is hosting). He welcomes everyone, especially the groom's family and anyone who has travelled, speaks about his daughter, welcomes his new son-in-law into the family, and ends with a toast to the couple.
2. The groom. He thanks the father of the bride for his words, thanks both sets of parents, the guests and anyone who helped, says something about his new wife, and traditionally ends with a toast to the bridesmaids.
3. The best man. He replies on behalf of the bridesmaids, may read messages from people who could not come, tells a story or two about the groom, and closes the speeches with a toast to the newlyweds.

That is the shape most guests still expect, especially at larger family weddings. If you follow it, you will not surprise anyone. If you change it, a quick word from whoever is introducing the speakers is all the explanation anyone needs.

Who introduces the speakers

Someone has to get the room quiet and hand over to each speaker. At bigger weddings in England and Wales that is often a professional toastmaster in a red coat. In Ireland a toastmaster is less usual, and the job tends to fall to the best man, a confident friend or relative acting as master of ceremonies, or the hotel's banqueting manager, who knows exactly when the kitchen needs the room back.

Whoever it is, give them the running order in writing, with each speaker's name pronounced the way they like it, and tell them roughly how long each speech runs. A good introducer can also cover the small jobs nobody wants mid speech, such as asking guests to fill their glasses or to sit down.

Where Irish weddings tend to differ

Irish weddings follow the same broad order, with a few habits that vary by family and region. Treat these as common patterns, not fixed custom.

• The speeches usually come after the meal, before the cake and the first dance, and the day is long, so guests have often been celebrating for hours by the time the first speaker stands up.
• It is fairly common for the father of the groom to say a few words as well, usually after the father of the bride or after the groom.
• The best man frequently doubles as master of ceremonies, introducing each speaker before giving his own speech last.
• Reading out messages from relatives abroad is still common at some weddings, a habit that goes back to the days of telegrams.
• At a church wedding the priest may say grace before the meal, but the priest rarely gives a reception speech unless the couple asks.

Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland broadly follow the same pattern too. In practice the venue, the size of the wedding and the families themselves shape the speeches far more than any border does.

How the order is changing

Couples now plan weddings that look like their own families and friendships, and the speeches have followed. These are the changes you are most likely to see.

• The bride speaks. Once unusual, it is now unremarkable. She might speak straight after the groom, just before him, or in a joint speech with him.
• A maid of honour or best woman speaks. She often goes before the best man, so the two friends' speeches sit side by side without either one closing the show by default.
• Mum speaks too. The mother of the bride or groom may speak alongside a father, instead of him, or as the host in her own right. Stepparents may say a few words as well.
• The couple speak together. A joint speech replaces the groom's speech with a shared one, which also neatly avoids the question of who goes first.
• The speeches move. Plenty of couples now hold them before the meal or between courses, so the speakers can relax and eat, and the kitchen knows exactly when to serve.
• There are fewer, shorter speeches. Three long speeches are harder work for a room than four short ones.

Sample running orders

These are starting points. Swap names and roles to suit the wedding you are actually having.

At a wedding with two grooms or two brides, the same logic works without the gendered labels: a host or parent welcomes everyone, the couple thank people, and the friends close. Many couples simply let each side's parents and best friends take one slot each, alternating sides so neither family feels it went second.

Who toasts whom

Each traditional speech ends with a toast, and the toasts are what hold the order together. If you change the order, check that every toast still has someone to give it.

• The father of the bride toasts the bride and groom.
• The groom toasts the bridesmaids, or in a modern version, everyone who helped.
• The best man replies for the bridesmaids and toasts the couple.
• A bride or maid of honour usually toasts the couple, or the person she has just spoken about.
• Guests stand, raise a glass and repeat the words of the toast. The people being toasted traditionally stay seated and do not drink, though plenty of couples ignore that one.

How to choose your own order

If you are the couple, a few questions settle most running orders quickly.

1. Who is hosting? Whoever is welcoming everyone usually goes first.
2. Where should the emotional moment sit? A parent's speech in the middle can give the room a lump in the throat before the friends lift it again.
3. Who is the strongest closer? The last speaker sends everyone to the dance floor, so pick someone who will keep it light and keep it short.
4. How long will it all take? Add up the speeches, add a minute or two for each handover, and see whether the total suits your venue's timings.
5. Who would feel left out? It is easier to give someone a short slot now than to explain later why they had none.

Once you have decided, tell every speaker the full order in writing, with their slot, a rough time limit and who speaks before and after them. That one message prevents most of the problems speakers run into on the day, including two people telling the same story.

Where Toast fits

Toast is a wedding speech writer for every role on this page. Each speaker can write their own speech with it, from their own answers and stories. If several people are speaking, the Wedding party room puts up to six speakers in one running order with each speech's estimated time and the total, and checks privately whether two speakers are planning to tell the same story. Each speaker's text stays their own unless they choose to share it.