Speaking at a friend's wedding
Being asked to speak when you're not the best man or maid of honour is its own kind of compliment. The couple wanted your voice in the room, even without a title to go with it.
The room may not know who you are, so your first job is to explain, quickly, where you fit into the story: college, work, the Tuesday night five-a-side, the flat above the chipper. Then tell them something only you could.
Keep it shorter than the headline speeches. Brevity is your advantage here.
What to cover
- Who you are and how you know them, in a sentence
- One story that shows who they really are
- How you've seen them change since meeting their partner
- Something kind about the partner
- The toast
How long
2 to 4 minutes, about 250 to 500 words. You're probably one of several speakers, and a short speech is a generous one.
A sample opening
"Hi, everyone. My name is Jess, and I've known Sam and Nadia longer than they've known each other, because I'm the one who sat them together at my thirtieth. I'll accept your thanks now, and your gifts later."
Three tips
Choose a story set in your shared world, whether that's the office, the club or the house share, and explain the setting in one line for everyone who wasn't there.
Speak to both of them, even if you only know one well. Ask a mutual friend what they love about the partner.
Agree your slot and your length with the couple, then stick to both.
Common mistakes
- Telling the same story as the best man.
- Treating it as an audition for best man, with twice the jokes and half the warmth.
- Starting with "for those who don't know me" and then never quite explaining.
Where Toast fits
The Wedding party room shows who else is speaking, the order and the total time, and tells you privately if you and another speaker have the same story lined up. You can bring a speech written anywhere. Story Harvest can fill in the years you weren't around, with voice notes and stories from your shared friends.
FAQ
I've been asked to "say a few words". How few?
Plan for two to three minutes. That's enough for who you are, one good story and the toast.