The two words, side by side
| Speech | Toast | |
|---|---|---|
| What it is | A short talk about the couple, with stories, thanks and good wishes | A call to raise a glass and drink to someone |
| Typical length | 2 to 7 minutes | A few sentences, often under a minute |
| Where it comes | At the reception, in a planned running order | At the end of a speech, or on its own |
| Who gives it | Parents, the couple, the best man, the maid of honour and others | Any speaker, or a guest asked to say a few words |
| How it ends | Usually with a toast | With the glass raised and everyone repeating the words |
Why the words get mixed up
In Ireland and the UK the reception has "the speeches", and each speaker ends theirs with a toast: the father of the bride to the couple, the groom to the bridesmaids, the best man to the newlyweds. Nobody would call the best man's five minutes "a toast".
In the United States the word has stretched. A "maid of honor toast", in American spelling, usually means a short speech that ends with a toast, and there may be toasts at a rehearsal dinner the night before as well as at the reception. American guides also tend to expect shorter reception speeches, so the lighter word fits.
If you are searching for help, both words will get you to the same advice. If you are writing for a wedding in Ireland or the UK, plan a speech with a toast at the end.
How to give a toast
Whether it ends a five minute speech or stands alone, a toast follows the same few steps.
- Signal that it is coming. "Before I sit down" or "So, if you would all stand" tells people to find their glass.
- Give everyone a moment. Wait until most people are on their feet with a glass in hand.
- Say who you are toasting and why, in one sentence.
- Raise your glass and say the toast itself in a few words, clearly, so the room can repeat it: "To Aisling and Conor."
- Drink, and sit down. Do not add another line after the toast.
Toast etiquette, briefly
- Guests stand for a toast to the couple, unless the speaker says otherwise.
- The people being toasted traditionally stay seated and do not drink to themselves. Many couples happily ignore this, and nobody minds.
- You can toast with anything. Water, a soft drink or an empty glass raised with a smile is perfectly fine.
- Tapping a glass with a knife to get attention works, but gently. Venues would rather keep their glasses.
- Make sure glasses are filled before the speeches start. A quiet word with the venue staff saves an awkward pause.
Five example toasts
These are the closing lines only. Replace the names, and better still, add a detail that belongs to the couple.
- "Please stand and raise your glasses to the two people who make the rest of us believe in good timing. To Aisling and Conor."
- "Here's to a marriage with as much laughter as their first date, and slightly less rain. To Priya and Tom."
- "May your home always have room for one more at the table. To Sarah and Dan."
- "To the bridesmaids, who got everyone here on time, including the bride. To the bridesmaids."
- "To friends who became family, and family who became friends. To Jess and Amy."
Who gives toasts at a wedding
At a traditional Irish or British wedding the toasts come at the end of the speeches, and each one has an owner.
- The father of the bride, or whoever is hosting, toasts the bride and groom.
- The groom thanks people and toasts the bridesmaids, or everyone who helped.
- The best man replies on behalf of the bridesmaids and toasts the couple.
- A bride, maid of honour or parent who speaks usually toasts the couple too, or someone they have just spoken about.
- Sometimes a guest is asked to propose a toast to absent friends or family who have died. That is best kept short and gentle.
Repeating the same toast is fine. Hearing "to the bride and groom" three times is part of the rhythm of the speeches, not a mistake.
How to write a toast that stands on its own
Sometimes you are asked for "just a few words": at a small wedding, a second celebration, or a family dinner the night before. A standalone toast needs three things and nothing more.
- Who you are, if not everyone knows: "For those I haven't met, I'm Aisling's aunt, Maura."
- One true sentence about the couple: something you have seen, not something you have read.
- The toast itself, short enough to repeat.
For those I haven't met, I'm Maura, Aisling's aunt. I have watched Aisling grow up into someone who notices when anyone in the room is left out, and the first time I met Conor, he was the one bringing my coat. I knew then they would look after each other. Please raise your glasses: to Aisling and Conor.
Where the word comes from
The usual explanation is an old custom of dropping a piece of spiced or toasted bread into wine, and drinking to someone's health from the cup. Over time "toast" came to mean the drink to someone's health, and then the words said before it. Like most word histories, the details are debated, but the bread story is the one you will hear most often.
And Toast, the wedding speech writer
This guide is from Toast (toastspeech.com), an online, AI-assisted wedding speech writer. Toast is not related to Toast, Inc., the restaurant software company, and does not make point of sale systems or anything else for restaurants.
Toast helps with both speeches and toasts. You choose your role, the tone and a target length, answer a few questions about the couple, and get a draft that ends with a toast in your own words. Friends can add their stories by link with Story Harvest, and a rehearse page times you before the day.