Why you feel like this, and why it is fine
Standing up in front of a room full of people who matter to you is a big moment, and your body treats it like one. A racing heart, a dry mouth and shaky hands are the normal signs of adrenaline, not of a speech about to go wrong. Plenty of speakers who seem relaxed on the day felt exactly the same beforehand.
It also helps to remember who is listening. A wedding is about the friendliest audience you will ever face. Everyone in that room wants you to do well, and nobody is marking you. If you stumble, they will be on your side.
In the weeks before
The single best cure for nerves is preparation. Most last minute panic is really the fear of not knowing what you are going to say.
- Finish the speech at least two weeks before the wedding, so you are practising rather than writing in the final days.
- Practise out loud, standing up, at least five times. Reading silently is not the same; your mouth needs the practice too.
- Time yourself. Knowing your speech fits its slot removes one worry completely.
- Record yourself on your phone and listen back once. It is uncomfortable, and it is the fastest way to hear where you rush.
- Give the speech once to one person you trust. Saying it to a real face is closer to the day than saying it to the wall.
- Learn your first two lines and your last line by heart. The start is when nerves are worst, and the end is where you want to look up.
Get the format right
What you hold in your hands matters more than people think.
- Print it. A phone can lock, dim, ring or run out of battery at the worst moment.
- Use large type with plenty of space between lines, so you can find your place with a glance.
- Cue cards with a few sentences each are easier to hold steady than a sheet of paper.
- Number the cards or pages, in case you drop them.
- Mark where you want to pause, especially before the toast.
- Keep a spare copy with someone else, such as a partner or the person introducing you.
On the day
- Eat. Nerves and an empty stomach are a bad mix, and the speeches can come hours after the ceremony.
- Drink water through the day.
- Go easy on alcohol before you speak. One drink may take the edge off for some people, but several will blur your timing and your words. Plenty of speakers wait until afterwards and enjoy it more.
- Look at the room early. Find where you will stand, where the microphone is, and where the couple will be sitting.
- If there is a microphone, ask the venue or the band how to hold it. About a hand's width from your chin works for most handheld microphones.
- Check who is introducing you and what they will say, so the handover does not catch you out.
In the last few minutes
This is when nerves peak. Give your body something to do.
- Breathe slowly, making the breath out longer than the breath in: in for a count of four, out for a count of six. Repeat it a few times.
- Drop your shoulders and unclench your jaw. Most people do not notice they are tensed until they check.
- Put both feet flat on the floor and feel your weight in them.
- Have a glass of water within reach, and take a sip before you start.
- Read your first line once more, then put it down and look at the couple.
While you are speaking
- Slow down. Nearly everyone speeds up when nervous. If it feels a little too slow to you, it is probably right for the room.
- Pause after a laugh. Talking over laughter is the most common timing mistake, and the pause gives you a breath too.
- Look up at the end of each sentence and find a friendly face. Come back to them whenever you need to.
- If you lose your place, stop, look down and find it. A few seconds of silence feels long to you and is barely noticed by anyone else.
- If a joke does not land, carry on. The next line will.
If you think you might cry
Plenty of speakers do, and the room loves them for it. Plan for it rather than fighting it. Know which line is likely to get you, put a pause after it, and have water to hand. If your voice goes, stop, breathe, smile at the couple and carry on when you are ready. Nobody will mind waiting. Some speakers ask a friend to be ready to read the last few lines if they really cannot finish, and simply knowing there is a back-up often means it is never needed.
If your anxiety is more than nerves
For some people the fear of public speaking is severe: weeks of dread, panic attacks, or physical symptoms that worry them. If that sounds like you, talk to your GP or doctor well before the wedding. They can talk through what might help, and that is a conversation to have with a professional who knows your health, not something to sort out from a website. Never take medication that was prescribed for someone else.
It is also fine to ask for a shorter slot, or to say a few words instead of a full speech. The couple asked you because they want you there, not because they want a performance.
Where Toast fits
Knowing your speech well is most of the battle, and Toast is built to help with that. It helps you write a speech in your own words at the length you choose, then gives you a rehearse page that shows the speech as a teleprompter or as cue cards, with a timer against your target. Once the rehearse page has opened, it keeps working without a signal. You can also download a speech PDF, printable cue cards or a Word file to print and keep in your pocket.